Imperfection is Perfect!

I learned about a terrifying new app that turns people into aliens. It makes sense considering I’ve heard the Kardashians use it. On the right no makeup, on the left is the app.

Sure I have been guilty of using filters, shadowing, and selfying (yep that’s a verb now)…but really? Isn’t this a bit extreme? Are people now so conditioned they must slim their faces, raise their cheekbones, and enlarge their eyes and lips in order to take an acceptable selfie? On top of the photo and personal identification manipulation, the app is called Perfect365. This only proliferates the ideal we must be perfect every single day and if we aren’t…hey there’s an app for that! How boring that sounds. Who wants to look or be perfect every single day? I know I don’t. I’m pretty sure there is not one person in our society who actually is perfect, no matter how much Kim or Kanye want to think they are.  In our inevitable imperfection is where we as humans can cultivate growth-growth within our selves, our relationships, our professional lives. Imperfection is how we learn who we truly are.

I will admit, there was a span of many years where I strived to be perfect and I faulted myself everyday for not attaining it. I picked and prodded myself over it and this not only resulted in a very poor and incredibly unhealthy body image, but very poor self esteem which lasted for almost half my life. Those are years I will never get back. Those years are shrouded in disappointment and regret.

I have since learned how to love myself and others and embrace the imperfections. I found myself through my imperfections. As I said above, it is through imperfection we grow not only as an individual, but collectively as a society as well.  Thus an app propagating instant and constant perfection terrifies me. When is it too much? What is the threshold? I think those are questions each person can answer only for themselves.  Should you use the app? Well it was interesting to see what my nose would look like if it was squeezed together. Should you live by the app? Hell no. 

Just my two cents. 

I Am Not A Southern Woman

I am not a Southern Woman. To my grandparents chagrin, I will never be a Southern Woman and it is living in Arkansas that helped me come to this realization. It is not that I don't want to be. I come from a long line of strong, southern pioneers, on my mother's side, who traveled these lands in covered wagons wielding shotguns and lassos and all that other cowboy frontier stuff.  It is amazing to think my ancestors -not the Italian ones- wore cowboy boots on the regular when I feel like I am putting on a costume every time I slip into my red boots. How can something that runs in your blood feel so foreign and unnatural? Is there not a thing called soul memory? It is like muscle memory but passed down through generations. I digress..

The Reasons I am Not a Southern Woman

1. It seems most southern women are able to achieve a perfect relaxed wave/curly thing in their hair. I have tried and no matter what I do, mine turns out to be crinkles. Thus, when crinkled hair comes into style, I've got that shit on lock down.
2. Football isn't my sport. I don't get it. I've tried. It doesn't click. I like baseball. Baseball makes sense. Baseball tushes are the best tushes. 
3. I think pick up trucks are weird looking.  
4. Sometimes that Southern drawl drawls on for way to long. I'll take that quick, direct Northeastern accent any day of the week.
5. I burn cornbread. 
6. I don't understand the difference between Red Dirt Country and regular Country...is it more dirty? I'm not sure. 
7. I can't pull off that Southern Sass that is both cute and sexy at the same time. When I do it, people just assume I'm pissed. So now I avoid it at all costs. 
8. It is so quite here at night. Sometimes I find myself hoping that an alarm goes off or someone feels the need to use their horn...this brings me to...
9. Rarely ever does anyone use their horn. I don't get it. In the NE it is used as a form of conversation. My Uncle Frank, regularly says "hey" via car horn when he enters the highway and he is usually met with replies of varying degrees.  When I lived in Texas, I was once pulled over for frivolous honking. That's a thing apparently...and I still don't apologize. 
10. Lastly I am not a Southern Woman because I am not into Cowboys. This is the automatic disqualifyer. I should just stop trying 

17 Days

It has been almost exactly a year since I touched this blog. Not surprising. I'm not really good at keeping up with these things. Facebook - yes; anything else- hell no. 

The other day I was driving into Grapevine, trying to avoid the never ending construction that has plagued North Texas ever since I first moved here, and while gazing at the fluorescent orange work cones a thought struck me: I will no longer be a resident of Texas when they do finally finish. In 17 days I will officially be riding alone in the first car of a roller coster that is about to crest. The first 10 or so seconds of a roller coaster slowly makes its way uphill, vocalizing the rhythmic click click click of the track. With every click, you inch closer and closer to the inevitable drop, counting the milliseconds till your stomach is jerked into your throat and the fight or flight feeling is pointless. You are forced to go with the flow. These are the feelings that have been bubbling inside of me. For the first time in my life I can't purchase a return ticket. Roller coasters don't scare me, they just make me nervous,  

Now it is time to be an adult. I have no excuses, hell, in three weeks when I start my job, I have to set up a 401k. I'm not even quite sure exactly what that is yet. 

I could use the bird analogy of spreading my wings and blah blah blah but birds are too delicate. I'm not a bird

Father's Day

Today is father's day-surprise, surprise. If you are in fact surprised, it is too late. You might as well throw in the towel and make an apology phone call to the man who helped raise you. There are a plethora of excuses you could use so, use a good one. However, don't worry, he will still love you, hopefully.

This is the first fathers day I get to spend with my family in two years and man does it feel good. I just returned home from a lovely lunch with my parents at Giuseppe's, a wonderful little Italian restaurant, sheltered in an antique house. If you have never been, it is worth the trip. The head chef and owner, Giuseppe is ACTUALLY from Italy. (Imagine that, an Italian restaurant where the owner is actually Italian-what a novelty).

I love father's day, I always end up crying on father's day. Though as I am getting older, I am starting to cry more often (I guess that is my aunt Gena coming out in me-she is known as the family cryer).  As I am writing this, I cannot help but be overcome with a feeling of awe. It is amazing to me and yet not too unusual to hear about the amount of people who lack a strong and supportive male role model in their lives. Yet here I am with more than I can count on both my hands. I don't think I ever appreciated that as much as I do now. Why? Because I never knew any different. From the moment I marched out of my mother's womb (and oh did I march) I was always surrounded by fatherly love and care, whether is was from my grandfather, uncles, cousins, or my own father, I never had to reach far to receive the unique and usually frustratingly true advice that only a true father can give. I say true father because there is a difference between a father-someone who supports you, laughs with you, listens to you, and truly loves you- and a father who only supplies the other chromosome needed to create you and nothing more.

I find that as the date for my departure to South Korea is looming closer, I am becoming more nostalgic and a bit somber. Although I will only be gone for 4 months, one of my biggest fears is not only losing my own, dear father but also losing any father figure in my life.  Especially while I am not somewhere where I can't quickly hop in the car and arrive within 2 hours. We have had a few close calls when I was younger with my dad but, I think as I am now older the most prevalent close call was when my uncle, Dennis, had a heart attack. I can't imagine losing anyone in my family. I could be accused of loving too hard. But that is OK, I will gladly commit that crime.

The Great Divide: Christ and the Christians.

Third post in one day. I know, I know, it is a bit much. But who cares.

I like to keep this blog light hearted and fun. However, today I want to talk about something that has been on my mind for a while that is a bit heavy. It is not a new concept but it is very bothersome for me and I think for other people as well. 

As most of you know my family has been going through a bit of a dark spot lately. If you don't know (if you live under a rock...just kidding) my mom was diagnosed with a very rare cancer a few short weeks ago. We all saw this diagnosis as a blessing in disguise as it was found at stage two when normally this specific, rare, cancer is so hard to find, it is usually discovered only after it is too late to do anything but wait until the inevitable. Well this situation has forced me to re-examine my faith.  

I have always prescribed to the Christian faith, and still do, however, I am struggling. Before you write me off, please continue reading. I hope what I am trying to convey comes across the way I mean for it to. 

One of my favorite quotes is,

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" ~Mahatma Gandhi

What I have been struggling with is how can Christ and Christianity in general be such a loving religion when many followers are seem so unloving? 

There are enormous example of Christians publicly announcing hateful views and harmful threats towards different parts of society such as Homosexuals, Muslims, even Democrats. 

I don't understand how certain Christians can be so full of hate.* 

Let me give an example of what I am talking about.  Within the past few weeks there have been two more pastors, in two different states, who are advocating for the killing of homosexuals. Don't believe me? Here is a link to the story about it. 

How can they spread the word of God when they are advocating mass murder of human beings? 

When I was in church school I was taught Jesus was about love. 

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. - 1 John 4:16 

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:12-13 

'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. - Leviticus 19:18

Also, didn't Jesus hang with the sinners? 

¹⁵ While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. ¹⁶ When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

¹⁷ On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:15-17

Now I never went to divinity school and I, admittedly, don't read the bible as much as I should, but I am pretty sure Jesus never said hate those who don't repent, hate those who you don't agree with, and most importantly, kill those who you think are wrong. 

Also, since when did being a Democrat automatically signify you as a heathen, a non-believer, "evil"? Remind me, which party had congressional power when Jesus was alive?

I'm NOT saying you have to agree with homosexuality or abortion or Islam or Buddhism or any other religion or act that you, personally, believe to be seen as "sinful", that is for you to decide, but why do you have to hate? Why hold that in your heart? How come you have the power to choose who gets to be a Christian and who doesn't?  I have always thought if you want to spread the word of God, doesn't a message of love work better?

Further, if we are all sinners from birth, as the bible says we are, then where do we get the right to judge which sin is more "sinnier" than the other or which sinner goes to straight to hell and who doesn't? Isn't judging a sin? Isn't claiming one sin as worse than another a bit "holier-than-thou" and isn't acting like that a sin? So what is the point? 

Thus, my struggle with Christianity isn't whether or not to believe, but is how can I worship with people who can hate so strongly in the name of God?

 *I know it isn't just Christians who hate but, because I am more exposed to the christian faith, this is my frame of reference.

 

Guilty.

I am guilty of the one thing women are accused of. I change my mind constantly. As of this morning I decided to keep this blog. I just love it so much. Honestly I am just such a brilliant writer, I wouldn't want to let my past entries drown in the vast, dark waters of the preverbial blogosphere. Just so everyone knows the blogosphere is located under the hydrosphere. (I took earth science a few semesters ago thus I am an expert.)

So I am keeping this blog, yet I am going to start another blog just for South Korea. Why, you ask? Why would I keep two blogs when I can't even seem to keep up with this damned blog? Because I need an "appropriate" blog to send into the Gilman Association who gave me my scholarship so I could go to South Korea in the first place. That is why. So If you want to follow my education and other stuff like that follow that blog. If you want to hear about all the juicy gossip and conundrums that will (surly) arise then follow this blog. Or follow both. Whatever.

So yay blogging.

AAAAND off she goes

Well hello strangers.
It's been awhile. A long while.
Alot has happened over the course of the past year, however thanks to social media outlets, I am sure all of the five people that will end up reading this blog, already know everything there is to know about my life thus far. So this is where I announce I am making, yet again, a new blog. On Tumbler. I know, I know. But this time I HAVE to blog (and vlog) because of this little scholarship I won to go far far away to a land called South Korea (where ever the hell that is). It is part of the conditions of the keeping the scholarship. So deal with it. Actually I am really excited about that blog. I will talk about life in South Korea, travel, eating, studying, not clubbing, studying, eating, not clubbing. You get the idea. So I hope you enjoy that blog because I (hope) I will. For now it will consist of me talking about various travel and getting ready things for South Korea. sooo yeah. GOOOD NIGHT.