Oh Retail

A few things to keep in mind.... 

1. We will judge you based on the state of your dressing room when you leave. We try not to...but we do.

2. If we suggest an item that is too expensive JUST TELL US! Don't make up some dumb excuse because we can always get a different size, even if we don't have it in store and more often than not we know your are lying.  Don't be ashamed because we probably can't afford it either...

3. We are nice to nice people and we try to be nice to mean people but sometimes it is very....very hard

4. If someone else was helping you or you are looking for a specific salesperson, tell us, it is OK

5. Do you really want me to tell you how that bikini that is FOUR sizes too small looks on you? A good tip is: it doesn't matter what size is actually written on the tag, what matters is the fit. 

6. I do not condone stealing by ANY MEANS but really, if your trying to steal merchandise maybe you shouldn't talk about how you are planning to steal it in the dressing room....just an idea...

7. If you are still in the store after we officially close and paying for some fabulous thing you could not exist without, no, you will not have to spend the night in the store, and yes there is an exit to the parking lot

8. If you are still in the store after we officially close and are not paying for some fabulous thing you could not exist without, GET OUT.

9. PLEASE tell me your life's story and how it influences your purchase today.

10. Why yes I am glad you asked, I too am a human being just like you.

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